I will turn 35 in two days. I am at the mid-point of my life and I still feel like a lost soul trying to find my way in the fog. When I was 16, I just knew that my life would be perfect by the time I reached this age. I’d have a perfect job that I loved and that fulfilled me. I’d have a wonderful, loving husband that made me laugh and was my partner in all things. I’d have at least two if not four great kids that provided all the entertainment one could ever need. And I would have a gaggle of tight girlfriends that would get together often to celebrate our wonderful lives.
Here I am at 35 and I have one great kid, two failed marriages, a great job and some great friends and some disappointing friends. The optimist in me sees that I’m half-way there, but the pessimist in me says, “Damn! I’m freakin’ tired of getting my heart broken and cleaning up after my horrible failures!”
So what is a girl to do? Dust myself off, re-evaluate what went wrong and what I can do better next time and go forth and live. What else can I do?
What do I want for my 35th year of life? I want to get healthy: lose weight, exercise more and eat healthy most of the time (folks, I LOVE to eat!) I want to find more time in my days to get the things done that matter: play with my daughter, do my homework (yes, I’m working on my BAS) and keep a clean and tidy home. I want to love myself unconditionally, the way that I love my daughter, my family and friends. Stop being so hard on myself for not being the perfect person I expect myself to be. Be a good example for my daughter. Keep my bills paid and actually save some money (again, not my strongest trait!). I want to be a better person: kinder, gentler and more peaceful. I want to stop being so darn angry at the world for giving me the genes that make my life such a stinking challenge!!!
Happy Freakin’ Birthday to ME!!