My Daughter's Eyes

My Daughter's Eyes
The window to a beautiful soul!

Thursday, June 7, 2007

On the Road Again...

Heading to Poplar Bluff, MO today for the Moore Family Reunion. I haven't been since 2002 and I'm eager to see my relatives. Especially my Uncle Ricky. What a cool cat! He's a confirmed bachelor so to have his sisters, mom and neices under his roof is a hormone overload to his male senses!! It shouldn't be so fun to watch him squirm... but it is!

This reunion... the name of my blog... they are intertwined you know. Sometimes I feel like my life has been over shadowed by a "weight problem" even when I was at a healthy weight. My parents both told me over and over when I was young...I don't even know when it started... that I would ALWAYS have to watch my weight because of my genetics. My family. Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, Great Aunts and Uncles... mostly over-weight. The women on BOTH sides of my family (except my Mom) are big women. I'm talking 200+ pounds.

Do you have any idea what this barrage of messages to watch my weight does to a girl's mentality? I grew up thinking I was fat and that nothing I did would change that fact. I've never been satisfied with my body. Not even when I was a healthy 125 at age 22. I look back at pictures of myself in high school and after and think how gorgeous I was and how could I have even thought I was fat???? It saddens me to look at those pictures and I grieve for the girl that couldn't even enjoy herself at that time.

Now days... I know what fat really is. I'm unhealthy, inactive and over-weight. I just had to start taking pills for my cholesterol. I'm depressed most of the time over seemingly nothing and basically just can't seem to love myself. And yes, my parents still will make comments about my weight but not as much as they use to. Simply because I told them how I feel and that I didn't want to hear it ever again. They basically made me this way with all of their negative badgering.

So here I am today, in the process of taking control of my life and my health, about to rub elbows with the relatives that can share in my struggles, understand my feelings and maybe show me that I'm okay.

Next time I post, I'll share some photos of the family. What can I say...we love to eat!

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